Monday, August 24, 2020. The first day of classes for me, for the students and professors at UMass Amherst, and for many other people across the country.
I woke up this morning, scrolled through social media for far longer than I should have, and rolled out of bed. I ate breakfast and fixed a cold brew, which I took up to my bedroom so I could get ready for the day. Just like I have every day, Monday through Friday, for the months between September and December, and February and May (give or take) for the past two years. A basic morning in the life of a college student.
But today I am in Lunenburg. My first day of the school year hasn't been in Lunenburg since August, 2017. Not that I mind being here. My family is here. My dog is here. My best friend is here. It's just strange. It's strange to put on a sweatshirt and slippers for the first day of class instead of a sundress and sandals, because I know my professors today have no reason to see my face. Even though I have always been one student in a sea of twenty-six thousand, I feel even smaller than that today. I am a name on a screen. "Sophie Shapiro" in white, sans serif letters, floating in a charcoal box.
Now, I don't want you to think I'm having a full blown identity crisis here. I know I am so much more than that. But it's hard not to fade into the background when my classes are pre-uploaded to view "at my leisure". Since when is anything academic at my leisure? A little bit about myself: my array of colored pens and highlighters may make me seem organized and many people (including psychiatrists) look at my grade point average and scoff when I say this, but focusing and time management have never been my strong suit. I may have gotten an A in the class, but that was after long nights of little sleep and many tears. I am the kind of person who needs structure in my life. I greatly benefit from others telling me what to do. And now Chemistry 111 is at my leisure? Yikes.
(Let me pause for a second to appreciate the irony of the fact that as I was typing a blog post titled "Technical Difficulties," my Chrome browser closed out of the blue and I had to hunt around my Wix page for several minutes to find the draft for this post, which I was fairly confident had been deleted completely. Luckily, Wix saves all progress as we go. I guess we are past the age of sobbing onto our keyboards after accidentally deleting a nearly finished essay because we forgot to hit "Save As".)
But I have high hopes. I am a fairly quick learner and I have never been one to shy away from a challenge. I am determined to do well in my classes and, more importantly, soak up every bit of information I can so I can put that knowledge towards changing the world some day. That is why I'm here, after all.
Forgive me for the lack of linear structure in this post. It has already been a hectic day. Which brings me to why I'm writing this post in the first place. It's the first day of classes! Don't I have better things to do than shout into the void that is the internet about how scared I am for online learning? Well, yes. But I can't do any of those things because not only are Moodle and Zoom (the two key sites utilized in online learning at UMass) completely not functioning, no one on my street has power. I am writing this post while connected to a hot spot on my phone while I watch my laptop battery tick further and further from the twenty percent I started with. In short, I don't have access to any of my classes or class materials. I'm supposed to be in a Bio lecture right now. But, my motto for 2020, it is what it is.
This is different. It's scary. I'm not used to having all my materials and resources online, able to just shut down at any moment. Yeah, it's nice that I don't have to lug textbooks across campus in the pouring rain, but last time I checked all the textbooks on the East Coast usually don't stop working all at once. But we could talk about the pros and cons of technology all day, and that's not why I'm here.
I guess I am here to just put a face, a little humanity, to the college students during this pandemic. I'm not saying we have it harder than anyone else, but the little things like not being able to grab lunch with our best friends at the dining hall in between classes or sitting in our beds by ourselves instead of in a lecture hall filled to the brim with our peers make this a lot harder. I woke up today ready to learn. Excited for a new semester and new classes. Ready to put my best foot forward on day one to set myself up for success in the coming months. But instead I got a big red box on my screen telling me that my login is invalid. And I know that this is the farthest thing from the biggest problem America is facing right now, but it is still hard. So let us just try to lean on each other as much as we can, and to be kind to each and every one of our fellow humans. Even the simplest things are hard enough right now, let us do our best to not make them any harder.
Peace and love to everyone, and if today is your first day too, keep your head up. You're gonna do amazing this semester. And for everyone, regardless of what your plan was for today: whatever you have done today is enough, and so are you.
Keep fighting the good fight (even if all that is today is wearing your mask and keeping a smile on your face). You're doing amazing.